I don't believe
in happiness they are just a vague overrated surreal thing that people seem to
crave for. I don't like emotions, They are fake. they make you feel you're
something else, makes you feel happy like you're special, makes you feel
sad that you wish you don't want to live anymore, makes you feel angry that you
want the world to just collapse, and the feelings that seemed so real,just vanish.
You
know, sometimes I feel empty, nothing, like
you don’t know what to do with your life, because your life is just shit
and plain.and it feels like if you die, nothing's going to happen, and
you're going to be happy. well, not happy, because logically
if you die you can’t feel happiness, you can’t feel anything. Nothing at all.
Maybe that is the thing that I wanted to feel. Nothing.
I close my
eyes momentarily . I see nothing, but I feel something. I see only blackness
from my eyelid, and see nothing but I can see calmness. I can see something.
Something beautiful. momentarily I
felt happy. Happy because of the silence . but
how do I know that I’m happy? when I don’t even know what happiness is. For a long time, I smiled. I don’t know why I
smiled. Maybe I was saturated all the time. Saturated from everything .
saturated from life I’m having that I forgot what beauty and happiness is. Maybe
this is beauty, but maybe it's not. I try not to believe in happiness and
got drown by it, as it is not real.
